Confessions of a Workaholic

Picture is from Moss Rock Festival

Hello my name is Sarah, and I am a workaholic. That is right, all of you have suspected for years and now I am admitting. I always knew that I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, but this week I had a "rock bottom" type moment. When I was student teaching my cooperating teacher always told me I worked to hard, and that I didn't need to stay up all night to work on a lesson, but I never felt that they were done enough to please me. But I always thought that was just because I tend to be a bit slow when reading and writing, so I was just taking longer to do things then others. But this week I have been working on grad school applications, and I had an ah-ha moment. I need to submit a writing sample to Stanford that is 10-20 pages in length, which shouldn't be that big of a deal since I have written many papers of that length through out my 7 years of school to date. However as some of you know I was robbed last year and my laptop was taken. I of course had all my academic work on that laptop and not saved on disks. Actually I have a ton of stuff now on my new computer that I should put on a flash drive, another project for myself. Well back to my story, I ended up finding an old paper from 2004 so I went about editing it. I think the thesis needs to be a bit stronger, so I decided to do some more work on it. Now this sounds fine, and normal right? Well around 2 AM I was sitting on my floor (in my little circle for those of you who have seen my writing process before) and still working. I was exhausted, but I had this need to keep going. I realized that I couldn't sleep until I was done. Now this paper doesn't need to be in until Dec 8, I have about a month to work on it. But I had this need to keep working. I finally made myself go to bed, but it was hard. I think that my perfectionism and workaholic status is just a way to keep myself from looking at the root of this problem. I use it as a way to make myself feel worthy of Gods love. I feel that by showing Him how I can be a hard worker and smart I might deserve His love. (How many of you have found yourself in the same situation, it may not be school, but sports, or some other activity in your life?) The truth is I don't deserve His love, but he has graciously given it to me, and nothing I do can make Him love me more or less, I have all of it already. So while I don't see my workaholic status changing soon, I am going to work on allowing God to direct me more, and accepting His love.

Moving on to other things, after a few posts by others like Erin and Amanda, I am going to work on a wish list (I learned how to use links - be proud):
1) A pair of TOMS Shoes - this is a great program. For every pair of shoes sold the company gives a pair to a child who does not have shoes. And here is the bonus, the shoes aren't made in China
2) Books - I am a total bibliophile.
3) Last year I was able to buy a few chickens for a family in Africa, so I will most likely do that again this year
4) As some of you know I am training to do the half marathon in February, I am currently running on a pair of shoes that needs to be replace, so I need some new running shoes.
5) As is seen above, I really need an external hard drive. Maybe then I can keep all my papers.

I can't think of much else, I don't really have room for anything. A job would be nice, but I am trusting that God will provide something in His perfect timing.

Oh on a side note, I am trying to figure out how to put a map on my blog so that you all can see where I am with my resumes, but I haven't figured that out yet, anyone have any ideas?